Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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