It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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