Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize