Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
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couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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