Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
I just had sex on a roof
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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