I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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