he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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