Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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