You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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