A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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