if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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