You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize