all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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