The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize