if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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