Sponge bath it is.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
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We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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