your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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