i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize