She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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