i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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