im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize