Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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