Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

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(860): As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. http://tfl.nu/lted

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(816): View more from Missouri

Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations

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(816): Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations http://tfl.nu/6ok5

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.

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(304): I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up. http://tfl.nu/ory7

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(517): View more from Michigan

dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.

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(517): dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it. http://tfl.nu/4nb9

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks

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(918): they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks http://tfl.nu/5j5t

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.

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(304): You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib. http://tfl.nu/xjlf

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(305): View more from Florida

he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!

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(305): he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!! http://tfl.nu/msw0

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(618): View more from Illinois

Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.

(270): View more from Kentucky

No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.

(618): View more from Illinois

Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.

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(618): Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you. (270): No, that's okay. Don't worry about it. (618): Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/gcov

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(518): View more from New York

#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE

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(518): #1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE http://tfl.nu/txty

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.

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(570): They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier. http://tfl.nu/s3gh

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome

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(+44): Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome http://tfl.nu/l1fy

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.

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(403): My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices. http://tfl.nu/r9jz

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(540): View more from Virginia

I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...

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(540): I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff... http://tfl.nu/wq37

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(330): View more from Ohio

The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.

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(330): The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it. http://tfl.nu/56k9

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.

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(717): You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you. http://tfl.nu/xdv6

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