are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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