Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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