I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
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I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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