I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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