My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
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I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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