is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
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Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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