Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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