if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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