just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He shit in the fireplace
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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