My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize