Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize