Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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