dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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