is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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