His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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