can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I need help removing her.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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