He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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