Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize