ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize