He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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