I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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