It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize