lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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