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5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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