the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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