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Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
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