Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You've changed since you got that strap on
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